A Glimpse into WTFdom
by Milkbonez
Summary: A short collection of drabbles inspired by characters and events which have taken place in my friends' and my chatplayverse. Each chapter contains a different and unrelated short story.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Pokemon, NiGHTS, or any official characters from either series. I'm just using them for my own crazy purposes.**

A nest of tangled blond hair was disturbed as Cynthia sat up in her bed. Her mouth was dry, tongue stuck to the roof. The whole of her bedroom was pitch-dark, save for the digital clock on her little night table, which presently read 2:12 a.m. She groggily rose to her feet, hand on the wall for a moment as she gained her balance, and silently padded out of her bedroom.

She descended the stairs of her quiet house, flipping on the lights as she went, turned the corner, and then reached the doorway of her large yet humble kitchen. The refrigerator greeted her with a hum as she absently reached inside for a pitcher of water, which she slowly used to fill a glass. No sooner had Cynthia shut the fridge door when a pair of arms enfolded her midsection, causing her to jump and cry out in surprise. It couldn't have been one of her Pokémon—they were all asleep in their balls, and they would at least have the decency to make her aware of their presence.

"Morning, dear." The familiar voice only made the Champion all the more tense.

She exclaimed, "Shirona, what are you doing here?!" Her not-awake-yet voice cut through the silence of the night, which almost made her feel awkward.

Shirona hugged Cynthia's belly more tightly, a satisfied smirk on her face. She answered casually, "Nothing much. My twin senses started to tingle, so I decided to pay you a little visit."

Cynthia hurriedly downed her water and put her hands on her guest's, hoping she would sense her discomfort at the gesture. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"About a quarter after the hour." Shirona squeezed one of her twin's hands as the other slid down her belly. "Ooh, I like your satin nightgown."

The first jerked away from the suggestive embrace and glared over her, still a tad shocked from the scare. She retorted, "I see you didn't bother changing out of your clothes?"

"No, Jackle kept me up most of the night." It was then Shirona noticed the sleepies in her host's irritated gaze. "And I take it I've been keeping you up, too."

"No, shit."

"All right, love. I won't bother you anymore." Abruptly the second laid her hands on Cynthia's shoulders, thrust her own face forward, and planted a delicate kiss on her nose. She gave a grin to her blushing victim and crooned "Sweet dreams" before slipping away through a plot hole.

Her face still hot, the Sinnoh Champion hurried up the stairs to her bedroom, released Gastrodon, and allowed the slug to sleep in her bed for the remainder of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Introducing your new favorite depiction of Reala.**

The sound of a person suddenly bursting into his empty shop made Jackle glance up from his magazine. He nearly jumped backwards when he saw the urgent face of Reala thrust right in front of his own. The red maren was panting, and he shot a glance over his shoulder at the shop's entrance. "You have got to help me, Jackle!"

"As the only working employee," the caped maren retorted, "I'm obligated to help you. What is it that you need?"

Something banged on the shop's door. The pair turned to see Touch the shiny Gastrodon pushing her way in. "gud morning," she chirped. "sorry 2 bother u, Jackle, but i am trying to help Reala overcome his gastro-phobia."

Reala whispered frantically, "Help me get rid of her!"

Jackle rolled his eyes and headed towards his back room. "Hold on just a moment."

Touch took her sweet time strutting towards Reala, purring, "c'mon, dude, just giv me a hug and get over this hatred of me that u hav."

Reala ran to the back room just in time for his brother to emerge with a cylindrical container labeled _SALT_. "Just shove this in her face."

The sparkly-assed maren did just that, flying to within a few feet of Touch's disgusting slimy hugs of _ew_ and showing her the container. Not surprisingly she gave a small shriek and backed off, whimpering, "u… u rly want 2 avoid me that much?"

Reala growled, "Yes, but you just won't take a damn hint! Now leave me alone!" He slowly began to relax as he watched the shiny creature slink away sadly.

He spun around and glomped Jackle, squeezing him tightly around the collar. "Thank you sooo much! Shit, you have no idea how much she has been stalking me!"

The older grunted, "Leggo."

Reala slapped the empty can of "salt" down on the counter. "You seem pretty lonely in here. Maybe I could come and hang out with you. Then I could keep you company on these slow business days and you could help me get rid of any fan girls who might be following me." He posed next to one of the Edward Cullen cardboard cutouts.

"It was the can, not me," Jackle pointed out testily. "Take it as a free gift and scram."

The other scowled. "Gee, who pissed in _your_ Cheerios?"

"Shirona did, as a matter of fact." He picked up his magazine again. "Now get."

Reala huffed a breath and obeyed, but not before he blew a few kisses good-bye and called, "Thanks again, big brother! I'll try and visit you again soon!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Behold, the chapter that totally contradicts the previous one.**

The castle was so close that he could almost taste it. After endless days, weeks of trekking across the plains and swamps of the land, Sir Reala had nearly arrived at the castle where his trapped princess awaited him. He held tightly to the neck of his ride, Touch the shiny Gastrodon, as she scrambled up the steepening rocky incline towards their last trial, towards the only thing that would stand between them and their destination. The bright, cloudless afternoon sky appeared to foreshadow their success.

Touch pulled herself and her rider over the last of the boulders and stopped before an enormous sign that met them. "folly's chasm?" she read, panting from exertion. Sure enough, before them lay an enormous black abyss, with the remains of a wall standing at the edge of one side. A concrete bridge divided the abyss in half and led straight to the castle doors.

Sir Reala eyed the chasm with suspicion, remarking, "This is too easy. There has to be some sort of trouble up ahead. I think maybe some horrible monster is going to come out of the darkness. What would you say, Touch?"

The slimy pony took an extra moment to catch her breath before gazing out at their final obstacle. "maybe. or else, maybe teh bridge will begin 2 crumble, and we will hav to sprint across before falling in."

They ventured forward at a brisk pace, keeping their eyes open for any potential danger. Within a few moments, the crackling of electricity and the dark, angry eyes of a certain Ampharos greeted them. Touch picked up the pace rapidly but skidded to a stop when the Ampharos cried, "Halt!"

She muttered to her rider, "hey, u were rite on teh nose!"

Folly casually leaned with her elbow on the bridge, blocking the castle entrance. She asked, "I'm assuming you have come to see the princess, yes?"

Reala put a hand on his sword cautiously. "That's right. Is there a problem?"

"Actually, yes, there is. I cannot let anyone enter the castle due to the possibility of creating a 'ship."

He was taken aback. "Wha…? Well, why not?"

Folly blinked slowly, a tiny smile playing on her lips. "Because I can't stand 'ships. I ran out the king and queen and all their men because everyone was paired with everyone else. But not the princess; she was the oddball."

Touch spoke up. "that's rather discriminatory of u. it izn't fair 2 teh princess. whut if she wants company?"

"That is beside the point, because I know you two are playing knight and steed. Naturally, the knight will be in love with the princess. Plus, I noticed you two were put on a list that paired you two together in a 'ship. That pretty much locks you out of the castle."

Reala drew his sword and kicked his heels against mount to charge forth. He cried, "If you aren't going to let us in, we'll force our way through!"

The lighthouse-creature shot a pair of lightning bolts at the invaders, but Touch reared up to absorb the attack with her natural immunity. She and her knight dodged an incoming slap-down attack from the beast's stretchy tongue. Reala sprinted towards castle, and Touch hurried in the opposite direction to create a distraction. The orbs on Folly's head and tail were her weak points, so he needed to figure out how to get to one of them.

He made a lunge for her back while she was distracted, but he was suddenly knocked backwards by her tail as it came up to swipe at Touch, throwing the slug off the side of the bridge and into the black gorge. The maren slid over the side as well, but he clung to the edge with one hand. As he pulled himself up, Folly rose from the darkness behind him, getting all up in his face, her head-orb spitting sparks.

"I'm so sorry it has to end like this," she lamented, "but you have only yourself to blame. Anything you want to say before I kill you?"

Reala gripped the hilt of his sword subtly and tensed his arm, keeping his eyes locked into hers. "I do," he replied. With a blurring speed, he slammed his weapon upon her head's red orb and created a huge crack. She shrieked with pain, thunderbolts flying in all directions, as all the energy drained from her body until she was nothing but a skeleton with skin. Her bones rattled to the bottom of her chasm, and the triumphant knight finished, "Don't wave your weak point in front of your enemy unguarded."

He knew all was not well, though. He squinted into the darkness, just barely making out what was left of Folly as well as what appeared to be other skeletons… He called, "Touch! Are you all right?"

His only reply was his own echo. "Touch, if you are okay, make some noise for me! Please!"

This time he heard what sounded like moaning on the other side of the bridge. He scrambled over and scanned the darkness, calling out her name one more time. There was a dark blob on one of the beams that held up the bridge, slowly making its way up to the light. When she finally pulled herself up over the edge, Reala could see gashes and bruises all over her body; otherwise, she was okay.

"well done, sir," she muttered, giving him a tired smile. "let's go c our princess."

They entered the enormous castle and headed up the grand staircase to wander the long corridors on the higher floor. Torches were kept lit on the wall in some of the darker areas of the second story, and the floor and walls were surprisingly clean; the Gastrodon tried to minimize the slime she left in her trail. Reala traced a finger over a painting to find it free of dust.

It was some time before they stumbled upon a door that held only a staircase—likely it lead to a tower, maybe even the one in which the princess was trapped. Touch ascended first and busted open the door with ease. Inside there was a bed and a dresser with a mirror, but that was all.

The two were completely caught off guard. "Where could she be?" Sir Reala wondered aloud.

"maybe she went to use teh li'l ladies' room?"

At the bottom of the stairs was the voice of a young man. "Actually, he's down here cleaning."

They scrambled down the spiral staircase and stopped dead in their tracks when they laid eyes on Reiji, dressed in a beautiful, white, frilly dress and holding a feather duster. He did not tie his hair back today, and his dark violet locks hung down to his shoulders.

Reala demanded, "Where is Princess NiGHTS?"

Reiji nodded out a nearby window. "She got bored of playing princess in here and asked me to take over." He beamed at the pair gaily. "Is this the part where you and I ride off into the sunset together on your trusty steed?"

Touch nodded, but her partner pushed her down the halls past the cross-dressed male. He complained, "I knew this would happen. Leave it to NiGHTS to ruin our perfect adventure."

The slug chuckled and suggested, "perhaps our princess is in another castle?"

"If that's the case, she can call Sir Clean Freak over here to rescue her."

Reiji only lifted his dress and took his seat on Touch's back.


	4. Chapter 4

"JACKLE!" The shriek was music to his ears. As she stormed down the hallway towards his bedroom, he quickly disappeared through a plot hole to elude her obvious wrath. Shirona burst open the door to his obstacle course of a room and growled, "You get your ass out here right now and get me a new Coke!"

The invisi-bodied nightmaren reappeared on the couch, snickering loudly, even as his roommate jumped on him, grabbed him by his collar, and shook him around. "You know I hate Cherry Coke, you jerk!"

"Exactly?" Jackle only gave her one of his huge, toothy grins and blinked his large eyes at her.

Shirona snarled, "Run back to the store and get me another one."

Jackle unhinged her hands from his collar and sat up, his expression unchanged, his laughter hardly dying down. "Or else what?"

She gave a little growl as she thought of all the things she could do to get back at him, buttering the floor, splashing his capes with ink—but that was old news. Perhaps she had something up her sleeve that might work…

"I'll do _something_ that you won't like."

Jackle only snorted, shoving her hand at her, mocking her, "Ooh, I'm sooo scared of you. What're you gonna do, then?"

The woman stood up to make herself look taller and cracked her knuckles threateningly, still thinking about what she might do should he continue to challenge her. "You do not wanna know, trust me."

In response, the maren rose up to his full height—a full two heads taller than she, not counting his horns. "But I do wanna know. Or are you all talk and no walk?"

She did the first thing that came to her mind; it worked on other people. Grabbing his collar again, she pulled him down to her level and kissed him on the lips. Although Jackle was far from a normal person (or nightmaren, whatever), surely getting kissed by a human would make him feel a little weirded out.

His eyes were wide with surprise, but they soon held a sneer. Clearly he was unimpressed. "That's it? You expect me to mosey on back to the store for you in fear of a peck on the lips?" Cue a fit of high-pitched chortling as he straightened up.

Shirona tried to stifle a blush that crept across her face. Not only was he not reacting as she wanted, but she was also a tad embarrassed for osculating her roommate, who she did not even like in such a way. Bowing her head a bit to hide her face, she grunted, "Just get a new soda for me, okay?"

"No, let me teach you." Jackle tilted her chin up to look at him. "It would have worked if you were more aggressive, like this…" The next thing she knew, she was pounding on his back with her fists and nipping his tongue at an attempt of making him stop Frenching her. He only made the action more intense, breathing against her mouth, before pulling away more than a minute later. "And then you got should have said something like, 'Hurry up with my Coke, bitch!' with a crazy serial-killer expression. _Then_ I might've done it."

Shuddering slightly, Shirona headed for the front door; but to her surprise, Jackle rushed out in front of her. She blinked. "Wait, are you going now, or what?"

He shrugged in his cape, beaming a meaningful smile. "Depends. Can I perform another demonstration when I get back, in case you forget?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Why not having fingers sucks.**

With an awkward spray of Pledge, Touch wiped down the top of her old wooden coffee table, the last thing she needed to dust off. She scurried into the kitchen to put away her rag and spray and grabbed a can of air freshener. Once she had eliminated her natural sea-slug scent in the air, she put a pot of water on the stove to boil. Hot cocoa would be the perfect treat to serve her company on a morning like this.

A gentle knock at the window sent shivers through her body, and she pulled the curtains open. Out in the late autumn chill hovered a certain Jade in all her slim, wristless and neckless glory. "I hope I'm not late for anything."

"gud morning, Jade!" Touch chirped, and she ushered the nighmaren into the house, sliding the window closed behind her. "it must have been a very cold journey for you."

"It wasn't too bad, but I'll admit that it feels much nicer being indoors."

The slug gestured to an armchair with a folded blanket resting behind it in the living area. "plz, my friend, hav a seat. it izn't too warm yet because i just turned on my li'l heater, but i'm also making us sum cocoa."

Jade politely plopped a hip into the seat of the armchair. She gazed around her host's small home: the loveseat and coffee table seemed to take up a lot of space in the front of the house. Her television, which stood on another, shorter coffee table across the loveseat and armchair, was rather undersized compared to those she had seen in the infrequent times she spent in others' homes. Only two chairs accompanied the glass dining table in the kitchen.

Touch had disappeared, though the nighmaren heard her shuffling in another room down the hall. She emerged, face beaming, with a shoebox on her back. "i kno we r not teh closest of friends," she said, "but a small gift will cheer any1 up."

Jade took the shoebox into her lap and lifted its lid, her eyes widening behind her mask. Inside the box was a pair of obviously handmade sweatpants. She laid them out; there was an awkward protrusion out of one of the pant legs, but other than that, they were remarkably well sewn.

The shiny Gastrodon wiggled with excitement. "when i saw u were pantless that one time i met u, i figured u might get cold this time of year. so i invited u over to pick these up while we hav a friendly chat."

The maren blinked, knowing her host must have worked very hard on such a gift. "Thank you so much, Touch," she gushed, folding up the pants and putting them back in the box. "I will wear them as soon as I get home, so I can show my siblings."

Her comment warmed Touch on the inside better than any cup of cocoa!


	6. Chapter 6

At the sound of a door slamming shut, Gastrodon twisted around as well as she could on only her two hind legs, which were awkwardly dressed in a pair of cargo pants. On top she wore a tan T-shirt with sleeves short enough to compensate her stubby front legs. Her middle pair of legs was kept as hidden as possible while trying to maintain her balance on the kitchen chair beside her. On her head, barely hiding her leathery brown horns, sat a purple wig of false hair.

Her face contorted into a grimace when she saw that her visitor was Shirona, although the two were in the woman's own apartment to begin with. She was clad in an uncomfortable light green miniskirt and white tank top, and her long blond hair was tied back with three hair bands. Her silvery eyes glowered at the sea slug, who cleared her throat and demanded, "You! What are you doing here? I thought I mentioned that I am very busy these days."

"I know it's a bad time," Shirona began, "but this is an urgent matter."

"Fine, go on."

"Circumstances have changed since you and I last spoke. Somebody wants me dead and is ripping up the city looking for me." The woman looked up into the dining area light, making her eyes shine dramatically. "I must leave this state in order to elude my pursuer, and it is likely that I may not come back for a long time."

Gastrodon's expression changed to one of shock. "You don't have to flee. You know I have connections all around the city, and I can protect you."

Shirona drew close, placing one hand carefully on her gastro-shoulder so as to not knock her off her balance. "I'm afraid your connections will not help me in this case."

A sorrowful pause took place between them as Gastrodon tried to make herself cry. She whispered, "If this is how it must be, could I at least get a kiss good-bye?"

"Of course." Shirona bent down, and each leaned toward the other in slow motion.

A door down the hall opened up, and a familiar orange nightmaren floated out of his bedroom, stopping dead when he arrived at the living room. "What the hell is this?"

Cata straightened up from behind Touch and chirped contemptuously, "Hi, Mama." Touch tapped a button to stop the recording on the camera she had been holding.

Jackle paid her no attention and only glared at the two awkwardly dressed actresses. "Shirona, explain to me why you invited your girlfriends over this early in the morning."

Gastrodon glanced at the clock and pointed out, "It's only nine-thirty-ish."

The blond heaved a sigh. "These guys asked me if I could play a small role in their crappy little movie."

Touch jumped in, "Clonie had chores 2 do, and we needed teh proper setting. so gastro-buddy and i said, 'y dun we ask Shirona?'"

Cata nodded. "Not only does she have the perfect hair—one less wig to deal with—but she also didn't squirm when she looked over the script."

The sleepy maren raised a brow. "So you're making a movie about girls kissing sea slugs?"

Gastrodon shook her head rapidly, dropping onto all sixes. "Not at all! In this scene, I play the handsome young—"

"I don't care anymore." Jackle turned around and headed back to his bedroom. "Wake me up when there aren't any crazy orgies going on, okay, thanks."


End file.
